So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
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Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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