I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
