I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
