You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
