you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
