that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
