you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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