her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
