rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
