just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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