Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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