I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
