is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
