Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
