Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
