morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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