Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
