Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
