while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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