By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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