Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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