I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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