I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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