Banned from zoo.
Again?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
