I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the condom got lost in my hair
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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