I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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