If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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