You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
