Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
