And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
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She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Holy shit dude........stairs
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