just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
