you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
