Apparently you make a good broom.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
