You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
