Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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