One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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