guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
