I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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