You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think my moral compass just broke
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
