There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
that may or may not have been my penis.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
