When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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