The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So much rum. So many feels.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize