goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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