I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
