im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
