yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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