It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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