2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
