Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
