Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
