I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
