yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
