I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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