Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
