If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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