I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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