Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
