please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Are my feet made of real feet?
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
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Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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