On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
