Swine flu is the new snow day.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
