my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
