Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
