Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My dad just said "fuck circus"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
