hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
