it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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