I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
