Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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