Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
