She is in my trunk
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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