i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
