Me. At least after what I've been through.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
