even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i think i have two assholes
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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