I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
