I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
