if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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